circle of trust

Ladies and Gentleman, Happy HUMP Day!
I just like saying/typing, HUMP! Seriously. Who doesn't?

In lieu of recent events, I'm going to bitch. Anybody surprised? Okay, moving on. There are several things bothering me this AM. And, I don't mean bothering me to the point that they will interfere with my day, I just mean like a swarm of gnats... everyone dig? So, pretty much, a waste of breathe to talk about it or should I say a waste of finger muscles to type, but -- here goes.

So, I have two best friends. I know, I sound as if I'm 13. My two closest, and best friends; we'll call them J and A -- which makes it pretty easy to identify them, if you even remotely know my circle of friends. They stood next to me the day that I married the love of my life, as my attendants. They were the first two on the scene when Marleigh was born at Alexandria, Hospital. They hated that I was in Texas when Connor was born, and they couldn't share in the joy with me. They threw me an amazing bridal shower, and bacholerette party. A threw me the most amazing surprise birthday party when we were in college (ask me for the story in person, it's unbelievable!) They took care of me after Mom died, and have always had my back. They are my rocks, those two... and I'm proud to say that they are my girls, my friends... no, my sisters.



Now, we are a circle of friends, and there are about 7 of us all together. We have known each other give or take, for about 10-15 years. And, you know what I've come to realize in those 10-15 years. That we all have needed each other at one point in time or another, for one reason or another... HOWEVER, the true friendships endure.

I can't think of a single fight that A and I have been in that lasted more then minutes. Seriously. I've been close to the girl for almost 12 years -- and she's never hurt me. She has been a true blue friend the entire time. She has my back, and has always loved me. And, we all know -- that's not an easy task. J, I have been close with for about 10 years, and I can only think of one single row that we had -- and it was very juvenile, silly shit involving boys, birthday parties, etc. in HS... so, you can imagine how serious that was. Right. She also has loved me in spite of, always, and been a support to me and the family. I'm telling you, without A and J, I wouldn't be the friend that I, the Mom that I am, and the Wife that I am. Thank you girls for the many years of laughter, and tears... we'll be 65, when the kids are gone; drinking cheap sherry on our front porches together, talking about how hot we still are! God save our poor kids and husbands!!



So, on to the remaining 5 friends in this so called circle. Now, don't get me wrong -- before I start this bitch fest, I have loved these girls for a long time, and you know what else... for a long time -- I haven't been able to turn to those girls for any sort of support. One of the girls, betrayed me pretty badly at a rough time in my life, and I still feel a little tinge of anger towards her. Another one of the girls just doesn't get it... she's still so self involved, even at the age we are, and with the life experience that she's had in the last 18 months, you'd think she would change... no dice though. She can be so much fun, but really -- there is no substance there. I couldn't tell you what her dreams are. I couldn't tell you what her favorite fucking color is at this stage (I'd guess yellow if you put a gun to my head!) Another one of the girls doesn't even reside on this side of the country anymore -- and the funny thing is that we had all agreed that she was pretty much a crazy bitch (I know, it sounds harsh -- but, really -- it's more self proclaimed by her, then us) before she moved *side note, when she started slapping people around at my bacholerette party -- I think I realized just how bitter she was*, but apparently when she came back to visit, all was forgiven, and they had a fabulous get together (sans myself, J, and A -- we consider ourselves lucky, I think!)... although, we were lied to on several occasions about this get together. WTF? GROW some NUTS and tell us you are having a party, but you don't want us there.

Another one of the girls has had a rough go of it over the last year or so, but she's never been much in the communication dept., and I don't think she really gets that she's hurting people or pissing them off when she lies, and just doesn't show for confirmed plans. *SIGH* It doesn't really matter, because I think I've decided that you just don't invest in them anymore. If you are invited to a wedding (which we have been, in a little more then a month -- actually), if babies are born, be there -- however, I'm not reaching out anymore. I've gone through this on and off for years. Like, I said though, never forget that we were brought together for a reason or a time.... and it sucks that our friendships can't continue.

I've said it a few times already. I've got my good friends... A and J. It's sad to come to this realization that we have just moved on with our lives, and that you have to actively make a decision to stop trying. It stings a little. But, it stings more to make the effort over and over again, and get nothing in return.
It's not as if we are losing friends that haven't hurt us in the past. That's for damn sure. I'll speak from my point of view -- but, I think we've all been damaged by the wrath of a certain someone... pretty badly, too.

Enough about this juvenile shit. Like I said, it's just irritating. Nothing that's gonna ruin my day. My day spent by the pool with Merren and a bottle of wine, now if we can get the clouds to go away!